How to resolve family conflict?
So, in your family happened the conflict and the conflict so seriously that you immediately look for the answer on the Internet, on the topic – what to do if happened conflicts in the family and how to resolve family conflict?
In one article it is impossible to grasp the immensity that’s why in this article we will talk about marital conflicts between husband and wife. In our family life, in general, can be two types of conflict – in our marital roles, or in a parenting role. Now let’s talk about the conflict between husband and wife.
Most importantly, stop looking for an answer to the question: “Who is guilty” and start looking for the answer to the question: “How to resolve family conflict?”
Firstly, identify 5 key mistakes in your family conflict. Whether it is a conflict with the husband or a conflict with the wife, these questions have already been in some ways to help you understand:
- Try to determine the question – you criticize the personality of the partner or his actions? If you criticize personality, instead of the individual action, then do not surprise if the conflict will repeat.
- Determine whether there is a repeatable, cyclicity in your conflict? What is it? For example, the conflict flares up every time when the husband comes home after work. Sometimes it is easy quickly solve conflict only tracking the recurring conditions (time and place their origin).
- Who is the initiator of the conflict in the family, in most cases? Give answer honestly, do not kid yourself.
- One of the most important questions – why do you need it? Now I will explain. The point is that I am conducting psychosocial counselling and in my practices constantly facing with the fact that the spouses brawl with each other for a reason, with a definite purpose.
Maybe in your life has become less sex or reduced the quality? Or, are you trying to pose as the victim of circumstances? Or conflict gives you emotional recharge? The conflict is a pathological way of solving some problem. So honestly, answer the question – why did I take part in the conflict? Give answer to simple and complex questions. Why do you need it?
5) Is this a protracted conflict? Does it last in your relationship for weeks, months or even years?
Very well, now we move on
In fact, there are three magical ways to learn how to resolve family conflict, without bringing them to conflict and abuse. You need to do three things, and I can guarantee that in some ways your relationship instantly will improve:
- Recognize that in conflict always involves _two_ sides. It does not mean that the other side is bad, do not want to listen and listen to you. You are doing something for provoking her. Either before or during the conflict.
The most frequent mistake – to believe that only another guilty in the conflict. Do not say to yourself, “This is all he!” Or, “only she is guilty!” In the brawl always take part two sides, and this is not so important, who first began. By the way, much more important, who ended the first conflict, but did not start, someone “smarter” in the conflict, when he already underway.
And the longer the conflict, the greater the mutual responsibility of the spouses. Recognize is very difficult, because of all dogs want to hang on to a partner, but this must be recognized. This is the starting point for a peaceful family life; it is a starting point to establish good and harmonious relations.
- Recognize that if you want to remove from your relationship quarrels, abuse, scandals and conflicts that you need to take the first step towards reconciliation. A typical mistake is that all sit and wait for the other side.
Do not fix it! Take improving the situation into your hands and start actively to correct it! Even if you feel like a victim of the conflict, even if feel that you received unfairly, it is necessary to take full responsibility for the establishment of relations _only_ you. Important not to give up at the first failure, the right response to your partner’s right actions, words and behaviour certainly will not once, not on the first day, but be sure will appear.
- The third magical way how to resolve family conflict – is recording device. For example, you can write on the computer. You can turn it on for the whole day and then listen. Why do you need it? When the conflict has already been overtaken, you and a partner roll an emotional wave and can’t control you.
After a conflict, very difficult to remember how all began and who initiated it? So record your conflict and then (but not immediately, the best the next day) in a relaxed atmosphere, listen to the audio. Do not blame the partner automatically and try to hear the recorded _key words_ and _key moments_ who created the conflict. This is a very powerful tool.
Your problem with a spouse is that he is now in accumulation process to you. There are many phases of relations. The main two keywords – expectation and the accumulation phase.
One of the most important conditions for the successful completion of a conflict – loving spouse – not to strive for victory at any cost. The victory by the defeat of a loved one can hardly be called an achievement.
It is important to respect each other.